Chat Room
by thecrazierone
Summary: Let's do some math kids: Kyle plus Cartman plus Chart room plus A secret equals what? That's right Tommy, a big disaster. Today's story is brought to you by T which is also the rating of this story.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys I was doing shit on Omegle and I came up with this epic little story so enjoy. The story is based off a real chat I had with some random stranger.  
**

**Chat Log **

**By: thecrazierone**

Cartman was getting very board on a Friday night so he did what most kids do when they are board. He went online and chatted with random strangers.

**You're chatting with a random stranger. Say hello!**

The message showed up on his screen and Cartman typed what he always did when he entered a chat room

**You: Sup, the name's Cartman.**

The stranger began to type a response as it said on Cartman's screen.

**Stranger: ** **Cartman? Dude, how did you manage to learn how to use a keyboard when your fat fingers are too big to use the keys?**

Who the hell was this asshole telling him he was fat. Cartman wasn't fat he was just big boned not fat. then it hit Cartman. It had to be the Jew who else would say such an untrue lie!

**You: Jew?**

The stranger began to write back.

**Stranger:** **How did you even know!? Are you psychic somehow?**

Hah so it was Kyle he knew it all along stupid Jew gave it all away. But, like Cartman was going to tell him.

**You: Like I'm going to tell you Jew!**

Kyle began to type back.

**Stranger: Be quiet. And, dude, you know I'm pretty much completely disillusioned by you calling me that.**

Disi-what? Cartman was too lazy at the time to look it up on the internet... stupid Jew and his big ass vocabulary.

**You: What the fuck does disillusioned mean?**

A few minutes went by and there was no response. Had Kyle just walled away, no he would have closed the chat if he did.

**You: Jew?**

Kyle then began to type.

**Stranger: Oh, sorry. I forgot your fat brain can't hold the meaning of words over five letters long. It means it doesn't bother me anymore when you say that.**

Did he just call me stupid? That fucking Jew is so pissed off right now. Hmm... how to make him super pissed off. Then, Cartman came up with an idea an started typing.

**You: Kyle I really think you need to get that sand out of your vagina. It's making you really cranky.**

Hah the Jew was so fucking mad right now.

**Stranger:** **I've told you once, and I'll tell you again! I don't have sand in my vagina!**

Hah stupid Jew I knew he'd be pissed off!

**You: Oh are you PMSing then Kyle?**

Kyle was typing now, wounder what he's going to say?

**Stranger: Hey! I'm not the moron who thought I hit puberty when I got my period!**

**Stranger: ...Eventually.**

What that made no sense, but if he told Kyle that he may look stupid. Catman thought a bit before responding.

**You: Whatever Jew.**

Kyle's typing again.

**Stranger: Look, what are you even doing up so late at night? Isn't your curfew like 8:30?**

Fuck him I don't a curfew Cartman lives by no rules he doesn't respect authority he _is_ authority. Now what will piss off Kyle even more. Ah I know.

**You: What's got you so mad Jew, did your little hippy boyfriend break up with you?**

Hah he's going to be so pissed.

**Stranger: What!? Boyfriend!? I don't have a boyfriend, fatass!**

Denial he is so in denial. Or maybe they broke up or something like that.

**You: Aww so he did break break up with you. Don't worry Jew, your little hippy bitch will go back to you soon, he's to pussy to do anything with out you.**

Hah insult him and his gay ass friend.

**Stranger: I am not! Gay! You fat fuck!**

He is so in the closet.

**You: You keep telling your self that Kyle.**

Kyle's typing again I wounder why he doesn't just leave all ready.

**Stranger:** **Seriously, I'm not gay. I feel like /you/ are gay because of how damn often you bring it up!**

Me gay? Eww Jew wishes. He dreams he could have all this.

**You:** **Eww Jew I'm not gay!**

Kyle's tying again.

**Stranger:** **I bet you are! And you're just so damn closeted about it!**

What the fuck Jew!

**You: Fuck you Jew!**

Oh shit I shouldn't have said that god damn it.

**Stranger: See!? Hah! You want to fuck me! You're gay!**

More like the other way around Jew.

**You: Whatever Jew.**

**You: Keep dreaming.**

Hah the tables are turning now Jew!

**Stranger:** **Ew! I don't want that!**

Lying he's so fucking lying. But, he more gay for his one friend then me.

**You: Kyle your so gay for your stupid hippy friend it's obvious.**

He's typing.

**Stranger: Who do you keep calling a hippy?**

How the fuck does he not know who the hippy is! Stupid ass Jew!

**You:** **Stan duh**

Kyle's typing again.

**Stranger: Stan isn't a hippy!**

**Stranger: And he isn't my boyfriend, what the Hell?**

Wow the Jew is so clueless.

**You: Dude you and Stan are totally fucking each other.**

**You: Which is really gay.**

He's typing again.

**Stranger: Wha- what!?**

**Stranger: We are /not/ fucking each other!**

Wo, pussies aren't even fucking just wow.

**You: Well if your too pussy to fuck each other, then your at least making out right?**

He didn't respond.

**You:** Jew?

Is he there?

**Stranger:**Why...why in the Hell are you even bringing something like that up, you dick!? W-why would it matter to you?

I need to come up with something quick hmm. Aha I got it!

**You: I made a bet with Kenny that you guys were making out in secret cuz your too pussy to come out of the closet.**

Hope he falls for it.

**Stranger: Look! It's none of your damn business you asshole.**

I'll take that as a yes.

**You: SO you two are making out! Hah Kenny owns me five bucks!**

I knew it!

**Stranger:** Shut UP, FATMAN!

Fatman? What the fuck is wrong with Jew?

**You:** **Wow Jew running out of ideas much. I mean fatman? Really?**

How the hell does he come up with this shit?

**Stranger: W-will you just shut up? Ugh. It's bad enough you and Kenny are making bets about us behind our backs.**

**Stranger: Not that I'm very surprised.**

So he fell for the Kenny lie stupid Jew.

**You: So just to confirm you and Stan are making out but you haven't fucked yet?**

Wounder if he'll tell me. Nah he's a dumb Jew but he's not that dumb.

**Stranger: It's none of your God damn business, but yes! We are!**

Did he just admit out loud that's he's a fag for his hippy friend? No fucking way!

**You:** **...**

**You:** **Holy Shit.**

**You:** **I totally did not expect this.**

I am totally just going to keep this to my self. Not!

**Stranger: ...Fuck.**

**Stranger:** **Ignore I said that!**

Big mistake Jew.

**You: ...**

**You:** **It seams I have the upper hand Jew.**

How can I blackmail the little Jew now?

**Stranger: Cartman **

**Stranger:** **You have to promise me.**

**Stranger: You cannot say a /thing/ about this.**

I don't bargain Jew.

**You: Hmmm why should I do that Jew?**

**Stranger has disconnected.**

God damn it Stupid fucking Jew but I've got him now stupid Jew.

**Grr,I had to rewrite this because of the guide lines it took I while trying to find out how to re write it while keeping if pretty much the same. I will have another chapter soon don't worry.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys another chapter :) Now I decided that the chapters don't relate to each other ok. So last time Kyle said he was gay for Stan this time were pretending that chat never happened. . It you guys don't like this idea I can change it and make it one big plot deleting this chapter. Just let me know what you think. I really have no idea what to do this was originally going to be a one-shot but people love it so much. Again this is inspired by a real chat I had.**

**The next Chapter**

I yawned in my bed room, chatting with random strangers on the internet. So far no one held my interest for very long. They were all A.) Hippy, Jews B.) or really boring. I sat back and click onto another chat. It loaded and the screen popped as soon as it found some one to chat with.

**You're chatting with a random stranger. Say hello!**

I typed out my regular greeting.

**You: Sup, the name's Cartman.**

The stranger began to type something out.

**Stranger: Ya I no fat ass.**

Kyle. It had to be that stupid Jew. I began to type out his response.

**You: Jew?**

Said Jew began to type out his response.

**Stranger: Stop calling me that **

**Stranger: !**

Hm, the Jew seemed to be extra pissed off today, I am going to take total advantage of this.

**You: Jew**

Kyle typed his response.

**Stranger: Fat ass**

I am getting sick of the fat ass comments he was not fat! Just big boned!

**You: Jew**

Again Kyle typed out a response.

**Stranger: Fat ass go eat some cheesy poofs**

Did he just insult me and my beloved Cheesy Poofs? That is the last straw Jew.

**You: Fuck you Kyle!**

Kyle probably thinks he's so funny.

**Stranger: HA you wish!**

The Jew did not just go there, he was going to pay some how.

**You: Eww Jew that's gross**

Stupid Jew.

**Stranger: grrr**

What was the grrr about?

**You: Whatever Jew!**

No response.

**You: Jew?**

No response again.

**You: Jew where the fuck did you go?**

Finally the Jew reacts.

**Stranger: Ignoring you**

**Stranger: fatty**

He's ignoring me. This will not last long if I have anything to say about it.

**You: Don't call me fat you fucking Jew!**

He's typing something.

**Stranger: Don't call me a fucking Jew fat ass!**

Kyle must have a lot of sand stuck in his vagina.

**You: Jews **

**You: play stupid games**

**You: Jews**

**You: That's why their lame**

Hah he's probably so pissed.

**Stranger: ya cuz fat kids can't play**

No more fucking fat jokes. God, how I hated the fat jokes

**You: DON'T CALL ME FAT YOU FUCKING JEW! **

God, why could the Jew not get that through his god damn head!

**Stranger: Look it's the fat and the furious **

Fucking Jew! I am starting to get pissed off.

**You: Whatever at least I don't have a bitch for a mom.**

Hah that was a good one! I lean back in my chair. Waiting for Kyle's response.

**Stranger: Hey my mom's not a bitch**

Song time!

**You: Kyle's mom's a bitch **

**You: she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world **

Wounder what the Jew will do now?

**Stranger: Cartman's mom's a whore**

He can not just go and insult my mom that fucking Jew.

**You: Fuck you Jew!**

Stupid Jew.

**Stranger: You just want to Fuck me don't you?**

What fuck Kyle no, never just the thought of Kyle makes me want to puke.

**You: No that's gross Kyle!**

**Stranger: Yea I no fat rolls everywhere eww  
**

God damn it no more fucking fat jokes!

**You: I'm not fat, I'm just big boned**

When will Kyle get that!

**Stranger: That's just what your whore mom says to you to get you to shut up!**

God damn it stupid fucking Jew!

**You: My mom's not a whore!**

Kyle's began to type some more.

**Stranger: Really? Remember what Chef had with your mom's pic on the front.**

God damn Jew that was not my mom it was just some look a like.

**You: Whatever Jew go make out with your hippy boyfriend for all I care.**

Kyle began to type.

**Stranger: I'm noy gay!**

**Stranger: I net your gay fat-ass no girl would ever want to get with you.**

Jew is totally in the closet.

**You: Yea keep telling your self that Kyle**

**Stranger: Fine I don't have a boyfriend happy fat ass  
**

Did he just admit he was gay? I knew the Jew was stupid, but I didn't think he was this stupid. But, Kenny owns me ten bucks, candy store watch out here comes Cartman!

**You: So you are gay! Hah Kenny owns me ten bucks**

Stupid gay Jew why the hell did he tell me?

**Stranger: Shut your fat face! Don't tell anyone!**

Of course I'm going to tell some one you stupid Jew!

**You: Why did you tell me Jew?**

He didn't respond for a minute, I could tell that the Jew was thinking.

**Stranger: Shut up fat ass.**

That's not a fucking answer Kyle!

**You: Why did you tell me Jew?**

Kyle responds quicker this time.

**Stranger: I don't know.**

What does he mean he "doesn't know?" Wounder if Jew boy has a little gay crush?

**You: So you got a little gay crush Jew?**

What the fuck is up with all the pauses between answers seriously?

**Stranger: No...**

Wow, I thought Jew would be totally gay for his "Super Best Friend" more like "Super Boy Friend"

**You: not your little hippy boyfriend?**

**Stranger: I'm not dating fat ass!**

Yep I _totally _believe that.

**You: Whatever Jew!**

Another pause.

**Stranger: So are you dating anyone?**

Like I'm telling him!

**You: I'm not telling you.**

**Stranger: Whatever fat ass**

God damn it Jew don't call me fat!

**You: Don't call me fat you fucking Jew!**

He doesn't answer, where the fuck does he keep going to?

**You: Jew where the fuck did you go?**

Finally he responds. Hold on a second why do I _want _to talk to him? Whatever.

**Stranger: I'm right here, are you fat and blind**

I'm not fucking at or blind!

**You: I'm not blind.**

He's typing.

**Stranger: But you are fat.**

Stupid fucking Jew I'm not Fat!

**You: Fuck you Jew. **

Why am I say that so much, meh whatever.

**Stranger: You wish fatty**

More like he wishes. Kyle can only dream of having my sweet body all to his own. Even if that happened then I would be on top. Eww get that picture out of my head! Kyle's probably using his Jew magic to make me think these things, so he can get a boyfriend.

**You: More like you wish gay Jew.**

**Stranger: Eww Fuck no fat ass.**

**Stranger: Go fuck Kenny **

Kenny? Hell no he would get his poor germs all over me.

**You: Eww no Kyle.**

**Stranger: See you at school Cartman **

**Stranger: And you better no tell anyone fat ass**

**Stranger has disconnected**

Cartman leaned back maybe he would keep this to him self. It would make great blackmail for later.


End file.
